Well, former Guardian; Heru (and his mate; Nadia) gather a group of 'chosen ones' (who will advance the next level of human evolution into the new... millennium. get it?) all of different ages, races, religions etc... to be representative of the entire human race... and then there's Jason Woodrue: The Floronic Man (who is always awesome btdubs)... but then also this guy for some reason?:
 |
| -It's not THAT funny, Kilowog. Take a breath... |
It's never explained why he's there- what his purpose is (except to suck as a person)- he just says a bunch of bigoted things, every one hates him, and eventually he just says "Fuck this!" and leaves and no one cares or tries to stop him, and John Stewart punches him in the face with a big green ring fist... I suppose he goes on to be a foil for the New Guardians in their comic... whatever.
 |
| Ummm... rrrrrright. -That all checks out! |
The entire point of this whole comic is undone later on in continuity when Heru shows back up and goes: "Oh, psych! You "New Guardians" weren't even the REAL plan- we made The True Chosen to be THE REAL, real, for-realsies new Guardians of the Universe off-screen at some point..." -But we never see them at all... And the New Guardians just went away because they were stupid.
And the regular Guardians all just came back. -because COMICS!!!
There were FORTY fucking tie-in issues to this fucking thing, too! I'm no where near to having all of them...
...and I'm okay with that.
-But in The Spectre #10 by Doug Moench, and Gray Morrow:
 |
| "No homo." |
Later in the issue- Jim Corrigan refers to The Spectre as a...
HARSH!
...and somehow racist?
-In the end; it's just kind of lame that The Manhunters blow their cover just to try and stop a bunch of weird people who are picked and given "enlightenment" (aka smug lectures, and then powers) so they can fuck and have kids- who would begin our evolution into the future...
Even this random fish was confused by it.
 |
| Bloop, indeed- little perplexed fishy... |
That was seriously the whole point of the New Guardians, by the way: To fuck.
To spread that enlightened, superior DNA alllllll over the place.
-And I'm pretty sure they failed at it.
One of them becomes a floating head, another a robot- so no reproductive organs there. One is gay. Another is a fucking plant. One dies... two others get AIDS from a vampire, and none of us ever cared about any of this to begin with.
It's pretentious and stupid...
...but like I said; The Floronic Man is awesome.
-Stay tuned for the final part; highlighting Batman being a total dick to everyone!
But the Floronic man will get you high....before he kills ya';)
ReplyDeleteDude that Spectre panel though, especially the part where he says "He enters me", very Dear Penthouse-ish....
Looking forward to the next part though where Batman basically is himself....well at least it was new at the time, because now it's like "And how's that different from any other time he's a dick to someone?" amma I right?
I did learn some new math rules though(for 1988) four is the reverse of three....good to know.
What has The Floronic Man even been up to lately? I'll have to look into that.
DeleteDid he ever get a figure???
Yeah, I did not really think of that. For the past 10 years- I guess everyone is just used to Batman being a total dick. But for me, seeing the Jim Aparo version acting like an ass is crazy off character!
Not even Floronic Man's weed can get me through this fucking series...