Samuree, Part III: So Long, and Thanks for All the Taint.

 Finally, exploitation aside... The actual plot:

~Samuree is a white teenager who was stranded on an isolated Asian island as a young child.  -You may have noticed, in the previous parts, her totally non-racist and broken-English way of speaking... and that is the reason why.   She was trained in the ways of super-secret martial arts of the non-iron-fisted variety.  So the basic plot, possibly unique at the time, is just a little bit been-there-and-done-that by now...
Enter: Evil Nazi Scientists! -Who stumbled across the island and used it, and it's population, to master the technique of reanimating the dead to use as soldiers.
But they too get stranded on the island, and miss the rest of the war.  Proceeding to instead destroy everything and everyone Samuree has known and loved- and she swears vengeance!

-Cut to modern day New York, where Zombie Soldiers are being sold to the highest bidder for crime/henchmen/private-militia reasons by the one surviving, evil, Nazi Scientist!
Also- HEY!: Look at all these other Continuity Comics characters who show up!   Eat our shared universe, even if you're not hungry for it!!!

Don't worry- we'll force it down your fucking throat for your convenience!

...From there she just gets her revenge on the Nazis, then moves on to battle a sorceress, and then later on an ancient demon because of reasons... Each story-line becoming less interesting than the last.

But then shit got really weird.
-Samuree goes to high-school, and then battles the local drug-dealer!
It's not just bad- it's terribad.

-Prepare to laugh your fucking ass off as we look at some of the final issues of the original series!:

"Ab-buh-buh-buh-buhhh seeeeeeeeex?!?"

 But then; the totally real-life dangers of crack-cocaine rears it's ugly head!  And our titular (taintular?) heroin (see what I did there?) is attacked in class by a fellow student!

(embiggen this page for reading...)

"And crack is, as we all know; F'WACK!"

Sadly, when Beachum and his unique art style left: so did the many taint-shots. 

-Now we have to get by on your standard comic-book objectifications...

JAIL-BAIT!

-That's her Air Force Liaison Officer, and legal guardian, by the way- who she totally wants to fuck.  Like: REALLY badly. She mentions, or thinks about it, often...
It's just so weird to me when they do this- NOTHING would be lost in the story if the made her 19 instead of 16 years old, and changed high-school to collage.  It could/would be the EXACT same plot, just inherently less... icky-feeling.  And even then; not by that much!

Anyways- the other artists (Dave Hoover, & Clarke Hawbaker) do sneak in a couple of taint-shots for old-time's-sake:

 But forget about that!

-We have a very odd and ill-conceived anti-drug message we're in the middle of!

TO THE CRACK HOUSE!!!:

(embiggen for reading...)

~Bwahahahahahaha!!!  Ohhhhhhh- fuck you, comic.

-And so it all ends with, what else; Satanists being behind the drug distribution!!!  

And a teenage girl being beaten half-to-death by men who then chloroform Samuree and stand around her; exclaiming they're about to have "some fun".  Man, Rick James was right! -Cocaine is a hell of a drug!!!

-Oh, and a terminator-robot shows up too...

It's not a very cohesive run.  The first handful of issues are the best- then it gets kind of directionless. Samuree had so much potential to be a truly bad-ass concept/book.  But the forced shared-universe thing, and then the weird drug-message turn it took (by Peter Stone)...  entertaining to a point- but not in a good way.

-It's strange to me how these books were marketed towards kids...

Especially when the early issues have such stylized sexualisation in the art.  -Or as noted in Part 1 (and by Shlomo): a lot of pretty graphic violence... 

Just keep everything you have seen in these three parts in mind as you embiggen and read those in-comic ads of the time.  The original Samuree series ran for nine issues between 1987 and 1991, and yes; by issue #7 this was all somewhat tamed-down across the board... but, yeah; still strange.

Samuree had two more series' after this- so we'll check back in at some point down the road...


For now, though... you'll have to find another site to get your taint-shot fix.