For a lack of better words...

From The Dark #1 (Continüm Comics, 1990)

-Come on, Dark!  You're surrounded by eleven Beach-Head cosplayers with fucking LIGHTSABERS and exclaiming "blimey" is all you can muster?  Really?  -Blimey?!?
*shakes head*
  -May as well of said: "Great guns!", "Blue Blazes!", "Holey Moley" or "Good googly moogly!"
How about a nice "What the?!", "Holy $#it!", "UH-OH!", "Dammit!", or plain old "Fuck." instead?

Wait... what?
Ummmmmmmmmmm...  I know we're in The Old West, but...

Oh, he means "Black Man" as in 'Man dressed in all Black'!:

 Okay... Carry on, then.
-That's still some odd phrasing, though.  How about "Pard'ner", "Stranger", or "Whoever you are"?   'Black-Man' sounds like the most on-the-nose "streetwise" super-hero Marvel could have ever come up with in the 70's...
(From The Rook #1, Harris Comics 1995)

Also from The Rook- this is (seriously, now) the best excuse I've heard a zombie give for their actions since Return of The Living Dead:

Why are there even "zombies" in The Old West? Well... much like The Rook's back-story... it's complicated. I'm not going to get into it here, but if you are curious- you can check out: http://www.pjfarmer.com/woldnewton/Rook.htm for more...

-Everybody wants a piece of Torquemada (and rightfully so?)...

(Center-click or right-click/View Image to embiggen)
Oh, Mek-Quake... you little rascal.
Spellbinders #12 (Nemesis The Warlock) by Quality Comics
Hahaha- I thought the same damn thing!:
"Ewwwwww, Nemesis- yo' kid be uggglllyyyy!!!"
-In the supremely evil Torquemada's defense, though- Thoth is well gross-looking.
Spellbinders #8




 -You got any???

Now, let's all go listen to some Shriekback...

...and read some comics!


  1. there was a good Vampirella mini-series called Chains of Chaos that had The Rook in it that i really liked. although that version of The Rook was quite different from the original which i did have one comic magazine from back in the day, check your email.

    1. Yup- that story set this one up... of course it was abruptly canceled after just five issues. And in the last issue they promised The Rook would return in the event comic Vampirella's Doom, but then that comic never really happened.
      Wizard released a 1/2 with that title- setting up a death and rebirth storyline with Vampi- using some elements of Chains of Chaos and The Rook- but there was no mention of, or appearance by, him. I think they must have lost the copyright, or there were at least some legal troubles with the character. I can find no information online about what might have happened.
      That link takes you to a pretty comprehensive timeline of The Rook from the magazines. This was still the same character- Reston Dane, the new storyline just had him get infused with a sentient alien battle-armor after his last adventure in the 80's. It was like Venom mixed with X-O Manowar. -And he could now travel through both time and alternate realities, trying to fix the mistake he had made in Chains of Chaos.
      It would have been a really cool series- seeing as how the tone and setting of the comic changed every few issues. First he was in The Old West, then in 40's Chicago, and it could have kept going from there- space, an apocalyptic future, medieval times, an alternate reality where people wear hats on their feet and hamburgers eat people... But again- canceled before it could even find its groove. Such a shame.

    2. yeah i think that sentient battle armor was called Sleuth if i recall correctly. Dane and the armor had something of a antagonistic relationship. i remember one of those Chains of Chaos issues having a flash back panel of Dane back in his days of wearing a cowboy out fit with his chess piece looking time machine in the back ground. did you get the email i sent you?

    3. Slough, yeah. I had to look the word up when I first read it- it can mean dark black muck, or cast off skin... both are appropriate for "him". And yeah- their relationship was a little like how Deathlok's is with his CPU.

      That's why I thought it was cool they had him go to The Old West in the first 2 issues, get some Cowboy duds on again...

      Yup, his bad-ass rook-shaped Time-Ship.

      -It's all a cool character concept, for sure...
      I got it- thanks! I'll give it a read later tonight.

  2. Ha ha! Loving those alternate captions. Dude, you should totally do a MST3000-like take on certain fucked up scenes in various comics. I smell a new gimmick/feature for the King......but sweet weeping Jesus, does it smell like some threw up up week-old split pea soup in some smelly, unwashed chick's cooch.....that's been on the rag for well over a week.

    Mmmm, hungry yet?;)

    1. Ewwwwww... gross dude.
      Come on!
      Uncalled for... Some people are probably eating when they look at this site! ...probably.

      Hmmmm... That would be a fun gimmick. To be honest- I just threw those in last minute last night- after this article had already been posted. I threw this whole post together last minute- because this was going to be the fan-art posting that we had to push back.
      But, yeah... that is something I could definitely work with. Thanks for the idea!

  3. You smell too good lol Blimey! See, start reading funny comic stuff and soon you start rolling it all into one :) I love those sideward glance panels in comics too like in the first clip art. One day there will be a absolute hardcover titled 'All the 'Who dealt it?' Moments In Comics You Never Realised'. Alex Ross is already painting a Storm blaming her powers to an accusatory Wolverine.

    1. Blimey-indeed!
      Yes, the sideways-glances are pretty great! And I'd buy that coffee-table book.
      -You gotta hate how we look and smell so good compared to the dead... makes us walking targets, for sure!