Time is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so...

~I talked very briefly about issue #1 of Avengers: The Terminatrix Objective, by Mark Gruenwald & Mike Gustovich, awhile ago...  I recently got the other three issues of the series, and after giving it a read- all I can say is:

Wait... what?

Don't get me wrong; Kang The Conqueror is one of my all-time favorites (see what I did there?), and I've always been a total sucker for time-travel stories. But The Terminatrix Objective almost reads like an unintentional comedy, or a science-fiction spoof...  Maybe it's just my frame of reference but I kept reading it with the tone of a Red Dwarf episode, or Hitchhiker's Guide to The Galaxy:

"Five to one against and falling... four to one against and falling... three to one... two... one... probability factor of one to one: We have normality. -I repeat we have normality. Anything you still can’t cope with is therefore your own problem."

-And I kept doing The Cybernetic Ghost of Christmas Past from the Future / Turkatron voice for Terminatrix:
Ah-ha-ha-ha!!!  'Armor undramatically on!' I love the helmet slowly floating over...

"In the year 9595, a race of deformed turkey was genetically developed by chicken scientists as revenge against his bird brother. These turkeys would exit the womb doused in gravy; gravy filled with the giblets from a monkey. The French craved it, and, as a result, turkey became the only food source for France, which is now called RoboFrance 29!"

-Then Iron Man and War-Machine were just Rick and Morty.
I'm just too geeky, I guess- it made it hard to pay attention:

"Well then get your shit together. Get it all together and put it in a backpack, all your shit, so it's together. ...and if you gotta take it somewhere, take it somewhere ya know? Take it to the shit store and sell it, or- or put it in a shit museum. I don't care what you do, you just gotta get it together... Get your shit together."


  1. Well, at least Gruenwald tried, but damn. I don't know if a better writer and artist could've done a better job with the material and characters available, but probably. I forgot what the purpose or point/goal of this mini was other than to probably hype War Machine, Thunderstrike, and U.S.Agent, and give them a chance to shine. But they could never escape the shadow of the very men they were intended to replace. Oh well....
    Enjoyed the Rick and morty quote as well.

    1. I'm a big fan of Mark Gruenwald... and it's not that the series was bad. It was a lot of fun! -I just could not take it seriously at all.
      "Armor on!"
      You're right, though- it was just a chance to pass the torch to the 'newer, hipper, edgier' versions of the characters.
      The story-line was basically: Terminatrix takes over Chronopolis and replaces/impersonates Kang. But she finds out it sucks; because everyone (seven millennia of Kangs included) is trying to overthrow him/her. On top of that the new Avengers attack- so she goes back in time to get the originals to fight for her. During the battle she leaps too far into the future to escape and runs into Immortus (who is Kang, but not Kang Prime?) who is abducting all Kang's bitches to find a perfect bride that gives HIM maximum probability, or something, so he can take over the whole empire somehow? So she has to set the real Kang free because he's the only one who can deal with everyone trying to take him out.

      I... I think that's what happened.

  2. Your guess is as good as mine on that one. I never really followed it all the way through, despite the cool, foil covers and seeing the sidekicks allowed play like the big boys.
    I liked Gruenwald myself, especially more after his death once I learned just how important he was to keeping continuity in tact and his pure love the characters. His run on Cap is indeed legendary....up until #383. The Capwolf stuff is fodder for jokes, although I really did dig that crazy-ass silver age in the 90's story, he just stayed on way longer than any writer should, as I think outside of Claremont and maybe Lee, he was one of the longest-tenured writers on a book. That being said, this one wasn't really one of his better works....