Samuree, Part III: So Long, and Thanks for All the Taint.

 Finally, exploitation aside... The actual plot:

~Samuree is a white teenager who was stranded on an isolated Asian island as a young child.  -You may have noticed, in the previous parts, her totally non-racist and broken-English way of speaking... and that is the reason why.   She was trained in the ways of super-secret martial arts of the non-iron-fisted variety.  So the basic plot, possibly unique at the time, is just a little bit been-there-and-done-that by now...
Enter: Evil Nazi Scientists! -Who stumbled across the island and used it, and it's population, to master the technique of reanimating the dead to use as soldiers.
But they too get stranded on the island, and miss the rest of the war.  Proceeding to instead destroy everything and everyone Samuree has known and loved- and she swears vengeance!

-Cut to modern day New York, where Zombie Soldiers are being sold to the highest bidder for crime/henchmen/private-militia reasons by the one surviving, evil, Nazi Scientist!
Also- HEY!: Look at all these other Continuity Comics characters who show up!   Eat our shared universe, even if you're not hungry for it!!!
Don't worry- we'll force it down your fucking throat for your convenience!

...From there she just gets her revenge on the Nazis, then moves on to battle a sorceress, and then later on an ancient demon because of reasons... Each story-line becoming less interesting than the last.

But then shit got really weird.
-Samuree goes to high-school, and then battles the local drug-dealer!
It's not just bad- it's terribad.
-Prepare to laugh your fucking ass off as we look at some of the final issues of the original series!:

"Ab-buh-buh-buh-buhhh seeeeeeeeex?!?"

 But then; the totally real-life dangers of crack-cocaine rears it's ugly head!  And our titular (taintular?) heroin (see what I did there?) is attacked in class by a fellow student!

"And crack is, as we all know; F'WACK!"

Sadly, when Beachum and his unique art style left: so did the many taint-shots. 
-Now we have to get by on your standard comic-book objectifications...


-That's her Air Force Liaison Officer, and legal guardian, by the way- who she totally wants to fuck.  Like: REALLY badly. She mentions, or thinks about it, often...
It's just so weird to me when they do this- NOTHING would be lost in the story if the made her 19 instead of 16 years old, and changed high-school to collage.  It could/would be the EXACT same plot, just inherently less... icky-feeling.  And even then; not by that much!

Anyways- the other artists (Dave Hoover, & Clarke Hawbaker) do sneak in a couple of taint-shots for old-time's-sake:

 But forget about that!
-We have a very odd and ill-conceived anti-drug message we're in the middle of!


~Bwahahahahahaha!!!  Ohhhhhhh- fuck you, comic.

-And so it all ends with, what else; Satanists being behind the drug distribution!!!  
And a teenage girl being beaten half-to-death by men who then chloroform Samuree and stand around her; exclaiming they're about to have "some fun".  Man, Rick James was right! -Cocaine is a hell of a drug!!!

-Oh, and a terminator-robot shows up too...

It's not a very cohesive run.  The first handful of issues are the best- then it gets kind of directionless. Samuree had so much potential to be a truly bad-ass concept/book.  But the forced shared-universe thing, and then the weird drug-message turn it took (by Peter Stone)...  entertaining to a point- but not in a good way.

-It's strange to me how these books were marketed towards kids...

Especially when the early issues have such stylized sexualisation in the art.  -Or as noted in Part 1 (and by Shlomo): a lot of pretty graphic violence... 
Just keep everything you have seen in these three parts in mind as you embiggen and read those in-comic ads of the time.  The original Samuree series ran for nine issues between 1987 and 1991, and yes; by issue #7 this was all somewhat tamed-down across the board... but, yeah; still strange.

Samuree had two more series' after this- so we'll check back in at some point down the road...

For now, though... you'll have to find another site to get your taint-shot fix.


  1. It just occurred to me K.o.T that the perfect title for these Samuree postings would have been "Tainted Love". When it comes to word play it just works too well.

    1. HA! -Can't believe I didn't think of it first!!! Nice one.

    2. speaking of Continuity comics over the Thanksgiving Day holiday weekend i found Armor #3 in a $1 box as well as an issue of Young Blood that featured the character Massada in what was labeled as the "Rob Liefeld 50 cents" box at a comic shop in Reno Nevada. i used to have Armor 1 and 2 and was curious to see how the story played out with Armor having gotten his hand cut off in issue 2. Massada i was curious about because she's a Jewish character i had only recently heard about. speaking of Jewish characters i also found at that comic shop the last issue i was missing of Shadowpact which i had been picking up from back issues largely because of my fairly recent interest in Ragman. also, i think you'll enjoy this in fact i know you will. check out the comments section under this posting look fir my exchange between me and the artist for the ROM zero issue cover http://www.deviantart.com/art/Rom-0-Cover-for-FCBD-577222062

    3. Nice!
      Yeah- I linked to the one time I know you talked about Armor in the blog... I guess it ran for 13 issues.
      A 'Rob Liefeld 50 Cents Box' sounds amazing! Hahaha!
      Did not know who Masada was until I Google Image Searched it- and I was like; oh yeah! I remember seeing her around now.
      Never read Shadowpact, but I've always been a fan of Blue Devil, and Ragman.
      Huh... Cover-artist kinda seems like a dick. -Bit of an over-reaction to an art-critique, don't you think? I disagree WITH the art-critique, ROM has always been boxy. I like boxy ROM.
      Also, the artist called ROM "shitty looking"?

    4. yeah as you can see i had to correct him in regards to that remark although i suspect you and i would disagree on the ditko part of that correction :) Blue Devil is a character i've known about since the mid 80s but never got into but i did really like him in the Shadowpact series. wish i'd taken a picture of that "Rob Liefeld 50 Cents Box" label i know you probably would have posted that shit here. although i did take a picture this past weekend while i was in Solvang southern CA of a rather homo erotic public Christmas display featuring two elves on a bobsled.

    5. I remember I had a few Blue Devil comics in the 80's... He was just an odd duck of a character.

      Ha! Yeah, you SHOULD have snapped a pic of that; the most glorious of discount-bins!
      But I'm not interested in your gay-Christmas-propaganda...

  2. They seriousl referred to this as a "kid's book"? DAFAQ!? Well maybe if young Timmy likes learning to spank it(or Felica licking her bean) to some sweet taint-erific shots the ones found in here. Crazy.

    Glad to see you're back btw. Let the TAINT GAMES RESUME!!!!!! Can you dig ittttttttt!

    1. Well, kids DO love taint!
      To be fair, though- I had some of these books when I was 10 / 12 years old... and I thought they were the best! Samuree is the ORIGINAL Bad-Girl. LITERALLY! ...because she's just a girl!!!

      Glad to be back, glad I was missed.
      Oh, I can dig it.